MEMORANDUM
TO: Ron Morris
“The
State”
FROM: Everyone Who Has Attended College. Ever.
RE: Beer
DATE: 13
August 2012
Given the number of years you have “covered” Gamecock
football for your “newspaper,” it is both surprising and disappointing to see
the extent to which you are disconnected from the reality of a college campus.
The most recent installment in your increasingly flaccid series of attempts to
antagonize Steve Spurrier is based on a college student’s consumption of beer.
Though we question the sincerity of your outrage over
college students drinking beer, we recommend you undertake a more attainable
pursuit: stopping continental drift comes to mind. Your soap-box article
repeatedly cites that 21 is the drinking age and underage alcohol consumption
is illegal. We know that. Tanner McEvoy knows it. Spurrier knows it.
It is against the rules…so is “travelling” in the NBA,
jaywalking on Millwood Avenue,
and speeding on I-95. Rules get broken- and college students drink beer. You
were either unaware of this blatantly obvious truth pre-Tanner McEvoy, or you
were desperate for any topic that gives you a chance to insult Spurrier. But
please know this: you are out of your league. This is the same fellow who once
told Phil Fulmer that you can’t spell “CITRUS” without “UT” and the same dude
who publically dismissed you from a press conference. Let it go.
We have also given some thought to your condemnation of
Spurrier’s alcohol habits. When we think back to the ultra-sober duo of Brad
Scott and Lou Holtz logging 1-21 in 22 games, we are not inclined to complain.

