A perfect time to switch

Now that Packer is gone, it is high time CBS get their act together and give the Final Four to the greatest college basketball announcing duo since the dawn of time. I am talking about none other than Lundquist and Raftery. (What is odd is that the word “Lundquist” does not come up as a misspelled word on Word). Lundquist is the booming voice of CBS’s SEC game of the week as well as operating the tower on Number 16 at Augusta. Raftery is one of THE voices of college basketball who seemingly does every ESPN game that Vitale does not do and then teams up with Verne for the tournament. And they are excellent. They are the best twosome working.

First of all, Raftery understands basketball beyond explaining to you what you just watch happen. He knows what should have happened, tells you what both teams should make happen, and gives you a good idea of what is going to happen. For the average basketball fan, like me, who does not know much more beyond “put ball in basket”, Raftery tells you why things are and are not occurring.

Second, Raftery is entertaining. His New Jersey slang actually adds something to the game. And unlike Vitale and Packer, nobody has anything bad to say about the guy.

With apologies to wikipedia, here’s a few samples:

"Shoulder ... shake ... a little lingerie!"
"A little pirouette, and they said this was a beer town!"
“I wheel the wheel barrel down the street to the tin!”
"Give it to the big fella!"
"Send it in, Jerome!”
"The Big Guy"
"With disdain to the tin!"
"Send it in, Verne!"
"...with the kiss!"
"With the sweet kiss, off the glass..."
"With a little dipsy do"
"Dagger!"
"Onions!"
"Nylon!"
"The vegetable cart"
"Put a little english on it"
"With the teardrop, that'll make you cry"
"Panties on the deck"
"We got a little nickel-dimer here"
"The small change"
"With the blow-by"
"With authority!"
"Send it in, big fella!"
"From the Right Wing!"
"There's a little lingerie on the deck"
"The bounce to ecstasy"
"You might call this Newton's Law!"
"Most unattractive but beneficial"
"With the dribble drive"
"Attacking the tin!"
"Strong... to the goal!"
"Bring your lunch!"
"Elevation!"
"(insert co announcers name), (insert team name) goes man to man!"
"They're playing a (insert zone defense name) zone with man-to-man principles!"
"A little ricochet romance!"
"Get the puppies set!"
"He can do it all; let him into the band!"
"(insert player's name) with some early onions!"
"Fill the lane! Provide the lift!"
"He can make you ask for your mommy."
"Walter at the altar: High Mass!"
"Bottle of blackout!"
"Deployment!"
"Divine intervention!"
"With a little smoocher!"
"Protect the women and children!"
"Chubby Checker Do the Twist!"
Verne Lundquist: "I hope Dwayne Wade likes cajun cooking!" ... (dramatic 5 second pause) ... Bill Raftery: "JAMBALAYA!"
"A Large Edifice!"
"He's got the puppies sent off the bus."
"Why the lefties look so pretty its amazing."

In the late stages of a competitive 2002 NCAA Tournament game between UCLA and Cincinnati, a CBS camera showed the parents of a player who was shooting free throws. Raftery immediately remarked, "Free throws can destroy a family."

In 2007, Raftery along with his broadcast partner, Verne Lundquist, made a classic exchange after Memphis' Chris Douglas-Roberts made an emphatic jam in Ohio State's regional final victory.

Raftery: "The speed! Done with alacrity! Sitting over there, he was salivating at an opportunity." Lundquist: "I'm still stunned at 'alacrity'." Raftery: "Don't ask me to spell it."

As I write this, Clark Kellogg is getting the job. Well, I guess that is better than splitting up Bill and Verne. Even if they took my suggestion, CBS could still bring in Nantz at the end of the game to say something like “Rock Chalk Championship” or “Win for the ages” or whatever. I like Nantz, but he is the golf guy. Bill and Verne have good basketball energy. And they would be perfect for the job.

(If the unthinkable ever happened and South Carolina won it all, what would Nantz do with Horn? Or Gamecock?)