Crime and punishment

Last month, the University of Southern California got hit pretty hard by the football police. Their punishment amounts to postseason bans and a lot of lost scholarships. Meanwhile, Pete Carroll roams free in the streets of Seattle. I have often wondered if these punishments really deter other programs from wrongdoing or, in most cases, looking the other way. So I have put together a few ideas for penalties that may actually dissuade future wrongdoers.

1. Just fine them – like speeding tickets. Secondary violation? Ten grand. Big time Southern Cal stuff? Five million.

2. Lose a home game. This could be pretty entertaining. All of the conference home games for an offending team are put into a lottery style hopper. The team that is pulled out gets an extra home game and the wrongdoer goes on the road. Imagine if Carolina had gotten into trouble last year and Florida was pulled out of the hat. At Georgia, at Tennessee, at Alabama, at Arkansas, at Florida…

3. A trip to Idaho. Offending teams have to go on the road to Boise State – in November.

4. Four pointers. The last place team in the conference from the year before gets four points for a field goal when they play the offending team.

5. Flexbone nightmare. Offending teams have to play all three service academies; and Georgia Tech; and Wofford; and anybody else that runs the flexbone.

6. Lose a home game, part 2 – Offending teams lose those layup season openers against lesser teams.

7. Head start. The last place team in the conference from the year before starts the game with a 7-0 lead when they play the offending team.

8. Jersey switch. Offending teams have to wear the jerseys of their rivals for an entire season.

9. SEC switch. Offending teams have to play all twelve teams in the Southeast Conference.

Penalties like these would be way more entertaining than the “you can only have five coaches recruiting at one time for a month” penalties that no one ever sees.

In all seriousness, schools should have liquidated damages clauses in their contracts with head coaches. If the football program gets in trouble, the coach that "had no idea what was happening" has to give back part of his salary. Maybe they will start paying more attention.