An Inceptional Season

Now that the Gamecock baseball team has shown the world than anything is possible, it is time to look to football. For every SEC football team, the dream season involves playing the first Saturday in December. The western route involves a road through the defending national champions, a hoggish offensive juggernaut, the Plainsmen, and the boys from the bayou. In the East, things are a little more unpredictable with new quarterbacks and new coaches. But here’s a look at how it could shake out.

Week 2 - The Gamecocks and Georgia square off to determine who is going to be the solid number two contender. Unfortunately, the new ESPN TV deal does not take into account the heat of the deep south as the game is played at noon. During the game, doctor number four sees more patients than a full season of House, M.D. Georgia’s running game pounds Carolina, but they can’t seem to get in the end zone. Garcia is not great, but efficient, and Carolina comes away the winner, 17-13. LSU heads to Nashville and hands the new head coach his first conference loss.
USC 1-0 UGA 0-1 Vandy 0-1

Week 3 – Florida and Tennessee get together with both sets of fans wearing “I hate Lane” t-shirts. The Gators look good, not great, but still win convincingly. The Dogs host the Hogs and learn that everything everybody said about this Arkansas team is true – dudes can score. The ten point defeat puts Richt squarely on the hot seat. Vandy goes to Oxford and gives their coach his first conference win.
UF 1-0 USC 1-0 Vandy 1-1 Tenn 0-1 UGA 0-2

Week 4 – Carolina heads to Auburn to get a dose of what sent Clemson home with an L. The fast break offense proves to be a bit too much for the Carolina defense and the Gamecock offense can’t get going on the road. Florida continues to look good, but not dominant, as they roll past Kentucky. Georgia goes to Starkville and picks up their first conference win.
UF 2-0 USC 1-1 Vandy 1-1 Tenn 0-1 UGA 1-2 UK 0-1

Week 5 – Florida and Alabama square off for the game to end all games. Alabama’s defense looks like they could shut down the Saints and the Tide running game is even better than last year. Brantley looks bad in his first real test as the Tide rolls. Tennessee lands in the bayou for a night game and continues to look disjointed. Kentucky wins in Oxford as the Rebels have cycled downward. USC gets by non-conference Idle.
UF 2-1 USC 1-1 Vandy 1-1 Tenn 0-2 UGA 1-2 UK 1-1

Week 6 – Florida comes back home looking to redeem themselves against LSU. The Hat goes for two fourth downs at midfield only to come up empty. There is talk of a new Hat. Little Dooley comes home to Athens in a game where CBS makes so much out of it TV viewers put the game on mute. The Dogs send Junior home with the loss. The Gamecocks host the defending national champs. The defense apparently used the bye week well as the Tide seems a bit frustrated on offense. The teams are tied at 10 going into the fourth quarter where the Gamecocks just run out of gas. Alabama 20-10. Auburn gets by Kentucky in a shoot out.
UF 3-1 USC 1-2 Vandy 1-1 Tenn 0-3 UGA 2-2 UK 1-2

Week 7 – Carolina goes to Kentucky to shake off the “what if’s” from the week before. USC’s offense finds its groove, but the defense looks flat. They do, however, have enough in them to shut down a late Wildcat drive. Carolina 28-24. Florida stomps MSU in the master/apprentice game. Georgia beats a Vandy team that can’t seem to score.
UF 4-1 USC 2-2 Vandy 1-2 Tenn 0-3 UGA 3-2 UK 1-3

Week 8 – Bama beats Tennessee so bad that children cry. Joker Phillips is learning that stopping people at Kentucky is just plain hard as the Bulldogs rack up 250 yards rushing. The Gamecocks go to Nashville and get the crap scared out of them 17-10.
UF 4-1 USC 3-2 Vandy 1-3 Tenn 0-4 UGA 4-2 UK 1-4

Week 9 – The Dogs and Gators get together for the World’s Largest Cake and Ice Cream Party. Georgia looks like someone shot them out of a cannon as the Dogs can get a piece of first place with the win. The running game continues to carry them and Florida fans start to wonder if their quarterback can win a big game. UGA with an upset and Richt keeps his job another year. The Vols roll into Columbia for a night game. Local sports radio limits its conversation to Vince Dooley and Lane Kiffin. The Vol defense comes to play as Tennessee shows signs of improvements, but the offense can’t buy a first down. Arkansas pounds Vandy and Kentucky stomps MSU.
UF 4-2 USC 4-2 Vandy 1-4 Tenn 0-5 UGA 5-2 UK 2-4

Week 10 – Columbia heats up for a 3:30 game against 10th ranked Arkansas. Petrino vs. Spurrier. Garcia vs. Mallett. It is a four hour war with three lead changes. Carolina just can’t seem to put a cap on the Razorback offense. A late touchdown drive puts the game at 34-24 Hogs. Florida stomps Vanderbilt in Nashville.
UF 5-2 USC 4-3 Vandy 1-5 Tenn 0-5 UGA 5-2 UK 2-4

Week 11 – All eyes are on Auburn as the Dogs roll into town with a chance to punch their ticket to Atlanta. The game is a contrast in styles as Georgia’s power game matches up against the fast break offense of Auburn. The game is knotted at 21 going into the fourth quarter when Georgia running back Caleb King fumbles at mid field. It’s all the Tigers need to outscore the Dogs 35-28. The ESPN night game features the Old Ball Coach headed back home for – wait – a shot at Atlanta?

A Gamecock victory would put all three teams at 5-3 with Carolina winning the three way tie; followed shortly by a Martian space ship landing on the field. Since the Dicaprio/USC hat sighting, the Gamecocks can’t seem to lose. The only question is whether Ellen Page will show up in Atlanta wearing a garnet boa.